Hey Reader,
My mother has never stopped talking in her life.
I mean that with complete love: she is warm and funny and has more stories than anyone I’ve ever met.
A visit with her is like being showered in words – her past, the neighbours, the latest talking point in the town and EVERY detail of every conversation she’s had. By the time I leave, I need an hour of silence and sometimes a sleep.
For years I assumed that said something about me: a patience problem, maybe. Something to work on.
What I understand now is that the exhaustion was never about the love; it was always about the load.
Introvert brains run at a higher baseline level of cortical arousal than extrovert brains – Eysenck’s foundational research, supported by brain imaging studies since. That higher baseline means incoming stimulation lands harder and costs more to process. When someone talks continuously, your brain isn’t passively receiving it. It’s working through every word, every story, every piece of social information coming at it in real time.
Research also suggests introvert brains are more sensitive to dopamine than extrovert brains – meaning the same level of social stimulation that energises one person is running significantly hotter for you. The depletion afterwards is measurable AND documented. Biology, not temperament.
The unspoken assumption that more patience, more effort, more warmth would fix it keeps most introverts carrying the guilt of this for years.
The love and the exhaustion coexist – that’s the part nobody tells you.
So this week’s question:
Who in your life leaves you needing silence afterwards – and how long have you been treating that as a personal failing?
Sit with it. And if something comes up, hit reply. I read everything.
In your corner always,
Sam 💛
P.S. Know someone who always apologises for needing to leave early? Forward this to them!
| | Sam SheppardIntrovert StrategistNeuroscience-backed insights for introverts who are tired of adapting to a world that wasn’t built for them. |
