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Hey Reader,

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For a long time, I believed free time only counted if it was accounted for.

If someone asked what I was doing at the weekend and my answer was nothing, that meant I was available. No plans meant no excuse. No excuse meant yes.

I spent years on dating apps dreading the inevitable question: What are you up to this weekend? Seven words that I had convinced myself required either a lie, an apology, or an explanation I didn’t have yet.

Then I had a revelation.

Scrolling through social media one day I came across something that reframed it completely – the idea that rest is a legitimate way to spend time.

That no plan is also a plan.

The absence of a commitment in your diary isn’t a gap waiting to be filled by someone else’s agenda.

For introverts this is an even more important reframe:

Introvert brains require genuine downtime to return to baseline – not as a preference, but as a biological necessity. Jacques-Hamilton et al’s randomised controlled trial found that sustaining high-activation social behaviour produces measurable fatigue in introverts, significantly more than in extroverts.

The recovery time afterwards is real. Protecting it is essential. maintenance as opposed to selfishness.

The problem is that, “I need to do nothing this weekend” is almost impossible to say out loud without sounding like a rejection or an excuse.

So most introverts either give a reason that isn’t true, say yes when they mean no, or spend the time they do protect quietly justifying it to themselves.

Most of us needed permission to believe the nothing was valid before we could stop apologising for it.

So this week’s question:

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Sit with it. And if something comes up, hit reply. I read everything.

In your corner always,

Sam 💛

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P.S. Know someone who always says yes when they mean no? Forward this to them.

Sam Sheppard Introvert Strategist Neuroscience-backed insights for introverts who are tired of adapting to a world that wasn’t built for them. ​