Hey Reader,
I sent a message to someone last week.
Just a normal message. Nothing controversial.
They didn’t reply for three hours.
In those three hours, I:
- Re-read my message 12 times
- Convinced myself I’d said something wrong
- Analysed every word for how it might have been misinterpreted
- Decided they were definitely angry with me
- Mentally rehearsed how I was going to respond
- Replayed every recent interaction to figure out what I’d done wrong
And their reply?
Sorry, was in a meeting! Yes, sounds good.
This is my brain. Constantly.
Unbound Shift:
I don’t just have conversations. I have them before they happen. During. And then 47 times afterwards.
Before: rehearsing what I’ll say, how I’ll say it, what they might respond, how I’ll respond to that.
During: monitoring their reactions, adjusting in real-time, storing things to analyse later.
After: replaying everything, dissecting what I said, what I should have said, what they meant, what I think they meant.
It’s exhausting.
And for years, I thought this meant something was wrong with me. That I was overthinking. Being neurotic. Making things complicated.
When I started working with other introverts, I noticed that ALL of them were experiencing the same thing.
And I realised this is how my brain processes social interaction.
I’m not overthinking (at least, not in the anxiety brain sense, though I can definitely do that too). I’m just…thinking. A lot. Because that’s how I make sense of things.
The problem isn’t the thinking; it’s the judgment about the thinking.
Unbound Step:
The Rumination Release
When you catch yourself replaying a conversation for the 47th time, try this:
Write it down.
Actually write it. Everything you’re thinking.
- What you said
- What you’re worried it means
- What you’re worried they think
- What you think you should have said
Get it out of your head and onto paper. Then ask yourself:
- What’s the worst case scenario I’m imagining? Write that down too. Be specific.
- What evidence do I actually have that this is true? Not feelings. Evidence.
- What would I tell a friend who was spiralling about this? Write that down.
Then, here’s the most important bit:
Put the paper away and do something else.
Go for a walk. Make a drink. Watch something. Read something.
Give your brain a different job.
You’re not trying to stop the thinking; you’re just trying to complete the loop so it doesn’t keep cycling.
Your brain is just trying to process something it hasn’t finished yet.
In your corner always,
Sam 💛
P.S. Introvert OS™ is coming back VERY soon! If you’re tired of your brain doing this on repeat, stay tuned…
| | Sam SheppardIntrovert OS™I share practical tools to help you design a life that actually fits. |
