Hey Reader,
“Sorry, I just need a bit more time to think about that.”
If you’ve ever said a version of this – in a meeting, to a manager, to a partner waiting for an answer you weren’t ready to give – you’ve done something that’s costing you.
You’ve framed the way your brain works as a fault that needs an apology.
Repeat it often enough and it starts to feel true.
Each apology is a small deposit in the belief that your thinking is an inconvenience; that instant response is the standard and you keep falling short of it.
The Science
Research by Lawn and colleagues in 2019 found that introverts who believed they had a deficit – that they should be more available, quicker, more like everyone else – showed measurably lower wellbeing.
The introverts who didn’t carry that belief scored as well as extroverts.
That apology isn’t neutral: it feeds the exact belief that does the damage.
And the thing you’re apologising for produces the quality of your thinking in the first place:
Johnson and colleagues’ PET research found introvert brains route more blood flow to the frontal lobes at rest – the planning and problem-solving regions.
The thinking takes a longer path, and the output is usually better for it.
Something to try:
The shift is small and specific.
Instead of “Sorry, I just need more time to think.”
Try:
“I want to give you my actual thinking on this – can I come back to you by end of day?“
The second version names the value in your thinking and sets a clear time. Nothing in it asks for forgiveness.
This is one of the Work frameworks in my Introvert OS™ User Manual
Part 3 gives you language for the moments that tend to cost the most – at work, with a partner, with the family member who’s called you The Quiet One since before you had any say in it.
Less than the price of a takeaway, and you can read it tonight.
In your corner always,
Sam 💛
| | Sam SheppardIntrovert StrategistNeuroscience-backed insights for introverts who are tired of adapting to a world that wasn’t built for them. |
